Simons Holden Commodore Review

The Holden Commodore Executive (aka the shitbox)

When I went to pick up my ultra fuel efficient Hyundai Getz from Avis in Hobart I was informed that I had been "upgraded" to a Holden Commodore Executive. I figured I had been Holden bashing for quite a few years and maybe this would be a good chance to really test the great Australian car. In the end I put the car through 1400km of rough Tasmanian roads so I think that my review is sound. So here goes...
I headed north from Hobart to the Walls of Jerusalem (about 5 hrs drive) and was quite impressed by its handling of straight flat roads at 110 km/h. However, at the first corner things began to change. As it is an automatic there is absolutely no engine braking so I spent the whole trip riding the brakes as the bloody thing wouldn’t slow down when you take your foot off the accelerator. The problem was compounded by the fact that the gear box had, what was possibly the slowest gear shift possible. You would put your foot down, nothing happens, push it further and still nothing, push the bloody thing through the floor and finally it drops 3 gears, loses traction and the rear wheels start spinning. This became a real problem when I attempted a quick 3-point turn on a tight road. The change between drive and reverse took for ever, not to mention that the turning radius for this car is about the size of a Sydney suburb. I discovered that the slow gear change problem could be partially solved by engaging "power shift", I think a more suitable name for this would be "disengage suicidally slow gear change". It was about this time that the ABS brakes failed (after consulting the manual I was relieved to see that the normal breaks would still work) which may explain the metallic grinding sound that often came from the brakes. But Australians reading this will be saying, brakes, turning, what? Power is all that matters and so I will now address that. The engine is a 3.8L V6 producing 152 kW of gas guzzling power for the rear wheels. The problem is that that power doesnt get to the road as there is no traction control and due to the appalling gear box the tyres spend most of their time spinning. This was initially a good laugh but the novelty soon wears off on rough gravel roads. On the plus side the car was packed with all sorts of electronic wizardry that showed the average fuel consumption and how many km's until empty. On the last day I noticed that I had ~160 km left of gas so I figured I would wait before filling up, unfortunately I forgot that it was using the Australian number system so 20 km down the road I was warned that I had less than 50 km of fuel left. Finally lets look at styling, while it is better looking than a PT cruiser, even that is push. So to sum it up the car quickly became affectionately known during the trip as "the shitbox". So the next time I get offered an upgrade to a Holden Commodore I think I will pass on the offer and walk 1400km.